So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
