After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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