I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
