I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
