How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
