Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize