I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
