I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I want to have your abortion
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
