In the future we'll all be gay
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
