Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We are two peas in an std pod
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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