your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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