I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
