This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
