Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
