He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
