About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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