I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
