SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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