party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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