Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Jerry, you need to find god
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
