make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
