You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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