You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
