Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
