i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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