can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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