I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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