Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
operation have a gay friend backfired
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
