I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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