Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
