I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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