ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
