Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
