this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
