she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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