I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
