He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
