I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
