In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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