my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
