My cat gives me a boner
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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