i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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