That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize