I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
