So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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