Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think pants incapable of making pants work
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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