I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
