the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
