If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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