the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
