just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
