I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
