So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
