Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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