Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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