i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i drank out of a bidet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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