So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
