Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
