I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
