I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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