So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
