hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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