i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
