Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
